Hypnosis admin on 19 Jul 2009 10:23 am
Suicide: How to deal with the grief
It’s an awkward situation.
Someone you knew and loved has taken their own life.
They’re now past caring. But you’re left with all the messy aftermath.
It happened to me just recently – my younger brother presumably went through some kind of mid life crisis, left a suicide note for his wife to find and drove for about four hours before throwing himself off a cliff.
Everyone else was left in limbo. Reports came in from the Police that the car had been seen by traffic cameras at various locations on the route. Then the car was found, locked, but without my brother. Then hours later, the dreaded call arrived. They’d found his body.
Not a pleasant 24 hours and not one I’d wish on anyone.
So, how do you deal with the grief?
Most of those involved used alcohol to help. Not a perfect solution, especially as it’s a depressant, but with others around (and in moderation!) it can be a short term aid. It was also a good excuse to talk things through out loud.
After that, all sorts of thoughts go through your mind.
Could any of us have done anything to prevent it? In this case, probably not. He was fine two nights before, talking to my mother, posting things on his blog and Twitter. So there was no outward indication anything was wrong.
Then there’s all the other nasties. His wife had to identify the body. His three children have to live with his decision and carry on their lives. My mother has to see her son buried. I wasn’t close to him but will still miss him.
Grief is an odd thing. If you’ve ever come across the Sedona method, grief isn’t at the lowest place on the list of possible emotions because it takes some effort to experience grief. Asking the three Sedona method questions over and over again will help.
It’s one of the ways I dealt with this issue as it helps you to allow your grief to pass.
Of course, it’s human nature to let yourself drift back into grief. Maybe even wallow in it. But when you catch yourself doing that, don’t beat yourself up (you’ve gone through enough already), just ask those questions again and rather than holding on to the emotion with a vice like grip, let it drift away again.
Talking about your emotions can help. But unless you have some really understanding friends, you can’t lay your issues on them for too long. So a session with a grief counsellor could be a better option.
Another way is to play yourself a hypnosis track. Play it to yourself when you’re feeling down and all the emotions come flooding back (usually when they’re least expected).
Chances are there’ll be a trigger that brings your emotions back. That’s perfectly natural – it’s what our memory does.
In time, it will probably fade and you’ll learn to deal with it.
But if the trigger keeps coming back and doesn’t show any signs of abating then you need to take steps to eradicate it or at least dampen its enthusiasm.
The technique I use for this is called the NLP rewind technique. It’s normally used to get rid of fears and phobias but it works a treat with any memory or reaction that you’d rather handle differently.
The logic behind it is that our minds take shortcuts all the time. After all, if you had to go through a complete recognition process every time you encountered a door you’d never get anything done. Instead, your mind sees the door and knows it has to open it.
Same goes for any other thing you do on a regular basis. Including grief about the loss of a loved one.
So if your grief starts getting in your way, that’s a good technique to use to reduce the effect of the thing that triggers it.
