Sometimes we have a habit to blame ourselves, even when we’re not necessarily at fault. And the world of parenting is definitely somewhere that we blame ourselves and end up feeling like a failure, regardless of whether we’re actually to blame or not.
Children can be difficult at times. That’s pretty much a given as they find out new things and test boundaries. And once the teenage years strike, things can get worse: they mix with a “bad” bunch, experiment with how much they can challenge authority and generally rebel. Same as we did when we were younger – except that it’s different now we’re on the receiving end of things.
So how can you stop feeling like a failure as a parent?
Exam grades can be down to a lot of different factors. Sometimes your child just doesn’t get on with a subject or there could be a personality clash between them and the teacher.
Think back – did you get on with every single teacher at school? I know I didn’t and I can’t remember anyone else who was every single teacher’s pet.
The same goes for subjects. Some seem almost mutually exclusive, so it’s not unheard of for the occasional bad grade to happen. Even if we’re increasingly being conditioned that every child should be a Grade A student rather than a part or full time member of what they can jokingly call “thick club”.
Bad behaviour is another area where you can end up feeling like a failure if your child misbehaves at school or in public.
Again, we’re talking about degrees of misbehaviour here. There’s a big difference between an argument and a fight. And both of those look different versus using or dealing drugs. Or using things like cigarettes or alcohol (because we never did when we were younger, did we?!)
There are several challenges with any of these situations where we put ourselves into the state of feeling like a failure.
Sometimes blaming ourselves is the easiest option.
Rather than talking to our child or trying to reason with them. Which could actually be the best way of dealing with the various issues that are bound to crop up as your children grow up.
Sometimes we feel as though we should have done something differently. But hindsight often gives us a rose tinted view of things and there’s a world of difference between what we would have done in a perfect world and what we actually do in reality.
If at all possible, take a step back from the situation and/or talk it through with a trusted friend.
Or sleep on it overnight (always assuming you can get to sleep with the blame that’s running through your mind). Often what seemed an impossible or irreconcilable situation turns out to be anything but that in the cold light of day.
Another option is to use hypnosis to help calm your mind and help you reconcile the conflicting feelings that are leading to feeling like a failure in life.